Getting laid these days can be quite difficult and time-consuming. Bars and clubs are closed and conversations on dating apps usually end after your first well-meant and hopeful ‘Hey, how are you?’
To help you out Mister B WINGS has assembled an expert team of Don Juan’s consisting of you the reader (thank you for sliding into my DM’s), my little group of friends (thank you for sending suggestions on WhatsApp) and myself (thank you, Marco, for downing half a bottle of Baileys during that Saturday night in lockdown; it really got those creative juices flowing).
Some of these pick-up lines will definitely get you laid, most of them will probably get you blocked. Choose wisely. Laugh. Don’t be offended. You have been warned.
We know you can’t wait to use the lines, so you can copy-paste them from here:
1. I would swallow your dad’s cum just to get a taste of what you’re made of.
2. Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
3. Did you sit on the F5 key? Because your ass is refreshing.
4. You make me feel like trash, maybe you should pick me up.
5. I wish you were my little toe because I would bang you on every piece of furniture I own.
6. You look like George Michael, let’s go outside…
7. Are you a doughnut? Because you look like a snack with a hole.
8. I wish you were a door. I would slam you all day long.
9. Is your name Caesar? Because I want you to toss my salad.
10. I just loooove your outfit. It would look great on my bedroom floor.
11. Excuse me, sir, where do I sign to get that package delivered to my house?
12. I must have been a dog in my previous life because I really want to play with your bone. Woof.
13. Is your name Heinz? Because I want your sauce all over me.
14. Is that ass available on Uber Eats? because I’m hungry
15. I think we should be in a ‘stable’ relationship because you’re hung like a horse.
16. You put the ‘sexy’ in dyslectic.
17. Hey, it’s Easter in a week. Wanna come over for dinner with 12 of my best friends and afterwards, you can all nail me. Can I get an amen?
18. Do you live on a farm, because you look like a dirty little pig. Oink.
19. You remind me of that Madonna song… Hung …Up.
20. Let’s pretend I’m Kathy Griffin. Play along and I’ll add you to my ‘D-list’.
21. You remind me of He-Man. Wanna be the Master of MY Universe?
22. My name is , remember that you’ll be screaming it later!
23. I heard you’re a queer activist, maybe you should put ME on your ‘gay agenda’.
24. Tomorrow there will only be seven planets left because tonight I’m destroying Uranus.
25. So you’re into full leather? That’s hot. Maybe you can tell me how to BLUF myself into your pants.