A FETISH FRIENDSHIP: JOINING FORCES FOR THE COMMUNITY
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Irresistible Iris and Jürgen have lots of things in common. They are performers, both worked in a fetish store, and they are on a mission! For ‘Wings’ they had a conversation about what fetish means to them, and what it can bring to the world.
Jürgen: We met at a mixed SM/fetish party. I was in my leather puppy gear (and open for play with a hot dominant man), and you were dressed to the nines in rubber, with your husband. By the end of the night, you were the one who was holding my leash. Why do you think we hit it off right away?
Iris: Because we are so open, we don’t know how to be shy. We both know that there are many reasons for people to visit those kind of parties, it’s not always just about sex. That is okay too, but parties have a social purpose as well. That’s also a quality of BDSM and fetish.
Jürgen: I think it’s a great way of expressing yourself. We feel more beautiful, sexier, maybe even stronger in our gear, and we appreciate that in others. When I am a dog at a party, I love it how it makes people happy. Deep at heart, I don’t care who throws the ball, I just want to get it for you and we both have fun.
Iris: It’s all about communication. When we let go of assumptions about people, we can look at what we have in common. Putting yourself in a box is perfectly okay and it is necessary sometimes, but stepping out of it can be so rewarding.
Jürgen: I worked at Mister B for quite a few years. I loved wearing gear in the store, or showing off my welts and bruises when I had a hot session the night before. It was fun to help people and win their confidence, they saw I really knew what I was talking about. You worked at a rubber store. What did you like most about it?
Iris: Oh, when people took that step to finally wear rubber for the first time, and then looked at themselves in the mirror, that look on their faces. Like a weight was lifted off their shoulders. It made me feel really great too.
Jürgen: Is that the reason why you organize ‘The Rubber Bunch’ parties? Tell the readers more about it!
Iris: Yes, I discovered I have this quality to bring people together, and for me, it’s also a challenge to help people to explore further. The parties are for people to dance and play in rubber, but I also organize ‘Munches’. Those get-togethers are more social and not that hardcore, it’s a perfect opportunity for people who are not so experienced to step into the scene. And every gender and sexual preference is welcome at my party. Sometimes I really wonder why we don’t help each other some more.
Jürgen: I guess that is exactly what I want to achieve with my autobiographical theatre performance ‘GOOD BOY’: helping people. The show is about discovering yourself and being true to what you find. Being different can be so difficult, and I hope it supports the people who feel different, whether they are gay, or transgender, or disabled, it doesn’t matter.
Iris: I went to see ‘GOOD BOY’ and I think it’s a must see. Why? Because in the end what the play is about is love. Fragile love, and fragile people. And we can all relate to that one way or the other.
Jürgen: You performed at a big predominantly straight party recently with you as a Dominatrix with four younger guys, all gay. It all started with one of them walking on stage holding a rainbow flag. Why did you decide to do that?
Iris: Because I love to be provocative and make a statement. Don’t be mistaken: the scene was clear, I was wearing a strap on dildo and they were my slaves. Everybody could enjoy the show, that is what it is about. Isn’t it great when it all comes together? We have to unite, that is what the world needs right now.
Jürgen: I am a presenter at Darklands in Antwerp, and it’s great to see more women there too. When you look at what happens in the world, Poland, Hungary… It’s important that we stand up for sexual freedom.
REVIEW IRIS WROTE ABOUT ‘GOOD BOY’
The theatre play “Good Boy” takes you on a journey through the life of a man. The young somewhat naive Jürgen is performed by a young talented actor. The grown up part is performed by Jürgen himself.
Theatre offers the young Jürgen something to hold on to and seems to be a solution: “You can play all kinds of roles in drama.” Sex also offers the aging Jürgen a solution: “In sex you can play all kinds of roles”.
When Jürgen falls in love and finds safety and security in a relation with a dominant man, he discovers that he is “dog”, hence the title, which sounds like a loving compliment. Surrender plays an important role in his life. And not just within BDSM. It even turns out to be lifesaving.
You could say that ‘GOOD BOY’ is a musical. There is singing and dancing (Jürgen moves well in high heels! And he sings so beautifully) But there are especially many dialogues and life lessons: “All life is fluid” Jürgen explains briefly and somewhat imperatively at the beginning. We are all fluid. And not just in love.
That you become “wise” through damage and disgrace, is perhaps the next motto of the performance. And that does not only apply to youthful development or “coming of age” where you learn what your “orientation” is. No, just let go of that whole concept of that orientation and see what happens when you really let love guide you. After all, only then can you experience what “being sexually fluid” means. And what it means to actually be true to yourself.
(The entire review can also be read in magazines ‘David Boy” and ‘Massad’)
THE RUBBER MUNCH – THE RUBBER BUNCH
The Rubber Munch: October 24th, November 28th, Aknathon, Amsterdam