Belonging & The Scene

Recently, I attended an event where I spent time with a few friends I’ve known for years. We drank, shared a few laughs, and it eventually led to us all discussing the topic on how we got into the scene. We each took turns sharing the story of our journey, some short and to the point, others funny. Like for me, discovering I was a puppy was more unexpected than one would imagine!

I always knew I was kinky, though it took time for me to consciously recognize that, accept it, and begin to act upon it. I remember seeing puppies from afar and feeling that, though I didn’t fully understand that fetish, I totally respected it and those who enjoyed it. Who was I to judge? Then one night, and this is true, I had one of the horniest dreams I’ve ever had. I was transformed into a full rubber pup head to toe, and I remember vividly how I slid into the sleeves of the suit, then the hood, then the mitts, and of course the tail. Then I heard each and every one of the padlocks lock tight. I woke up hard as a rock, and I said to myself, “Well, this is a thing for me now!” Years later, I’m still a rubber pup, happy and as sexually satisfied as can be! Also thanks to my incredibly Alpha @puptitan73 who makes all my fantasies come true 😉 Thank You, Sir!

Back to story sharing with friends. Some of our journeys, like for one friend, let’s call him Mike, were heavier and not for the reasons one would normally expect. When we asked Mike to share his story, he took a moment, and his expression became more serious. Mike asked us if we wanted to know the full truth,  , as we realized this was not a laughing matter. Mike opened up to us that moment. He told us he is HIV+ for several years already. He told us how it felt when he first received his diagnosis and how it changed his life. He told us how hard dating became, how isolating it was for him as the more he sought his place in the gay community, the more ostracized he became. He told us, however, that he did find a place where he was accepted, where men didn’t ask further questions about his status, who didn’t judge him for it, and weren’t afraid of him. He found his place in the fetish community, our scene. He found belonging in a community that accepted him not in spite of his status, but regardless of it. And the truth was, he wasn’t even really kinky! Still, Mike found his place here with us.

This really made me think, and appreciate, what it means to belong in our community. What I believe is, largely, we inherently accept one another for who we are and what our fetishes are, even if we don’t fully understand them or each other. We even create safe spaces for experiences and exploration of all these fetishes. Our respect for one another is not dependent on understanding, or even similarity. I would go so far as to say it is our diversity which can, in many ways, bring us closer. Why might this be?

It almost goes without saying that our fetishes are unique in that we’re a minority community within a minority community. It’s only human to want to belong and to not feel alone, and I believe this is perhaps even stronger for kinksters, given our uniqueness. We’ve probably all felt judged or even discriminated against by others who might not understand us or our fetishes. We especially don’t want to treat one another the same way, even if we don’t understand ourselves. A positive consequence of this mentality is our acceptance for others beyond these fetishes. I believe this is how Mike found belonging in our community, and I believe we should take some pride in that.

Speaking from personal experience, another positive consequence I’ve experienced is professional networking. Some of my most inpactful career moves have come from meeting people and making new friends in the scene and at stuffy networking events! Because we respect each other inherently, we trust each other quicker too.

Still, we’re not a perfect community and there remain  Incidences of discrimination. This is wrong, and we should continue to address this. Perhaps if we continue to remember that it’s our diversity and inherent respect for one another that brings us together and strengthens us. If we take more pride in that, we can find a place for anyone, and we can grow even closer and stronger.

As Mr. Rubber Netherlands 2022, Dutchpupmomo strives to help others break into the scene, and help them find where they belong. Feel free to reach out to him with any questions, thoughts, or perhaps to arrange a chat. You can find him on Instagram, Twitter, and Recon @dutchpupmomo, or via email: