Fist Slump

Mister B’s resident advice columnist, Bryan has an opinion about everything. He is a Chinese-Canadian gay man living in Canada. By day he works in healthcare, and in his spare time, he enjoys video games, scuba diving, and Dungeons and Dragons…and dungeons. 

For issue 11 of WINGS, we received a letter from Fist Slump, check out Bryan’s answer below.

Hey Bryan, 

I think I might be falling for a guy who isn’t kinky at all. We’ve had a few dates and it’s going well… but from what I’ve seen he’s totally, blissfully vanilla. The problem is that I’m really into fisting guys and getting fisted.  It’s not something I’ve mentioned yet, but I’m sure it’ll be new to him and I’m not sure he’ll be open to it. Any ideas how I can introduce the idea gently, and possibly warm him up to it? 

Fist Slump

A fist, whether you’re taking one or giving one, is like a destination: something for which you go on the journey together. Some people into fisting can take years to take a fist. Some people might never take a full fist. A fist has four fingers, a thumb, a palm, and then a wrist—and maybe a forearm. Think of a finger as just the first step towards a fist, as opposed to trying to explain how to leap to a forearm. If you’ve already played with each other, you may have already inserted fingers into his butt, or he may have done the same to you. You can ask if you’re receiving fingers – make sure his nails are trimmed! – if he would be into putting in more fingers. And if you’re giving fingers – make sure your nails are trimmed! –  if he is enjoying one finger, you can ask if he would like two or three. Use lots of lube; dry fingering is usually very unpleasant (unless you’re into that), and can easily turn him off the idea altogether. 

If these things go well, then you have a partial answer to where you can go next, which is to have an actual talk about it. Committing to trying to put a fist in someone does need discussion in advance – AND DURING! – and while he might not be okay with getting fisted by you, he might be okay with eventually getting more and more of his hand into you.   

Since you’re not new to fisting, you can be an excellent guide for your partner to see how far along this path he is willing (and able) to go. Focus on enjoying the journey together, regardless of where you are on the path towards a fist, and whether you will get there. Just don’t go zero-to-fisty in 3 seconds. 

Let us know how it goes.


What kind of issues are you experiencing in your relationship?
What are you curious about in your sex life?
How can you get answers on exploring kinks, and toys?
Bryan and the Mister B team are here for you. 
Ask your question by filling in the form below.
or send an email to
Or go to Hey Bryan – Mister B Wings