Stop sucking balls!

Article print date: December 2020

Let me start off by saying that the photograph of me that you see with this column has little to do with the actual written content.   

You see, the COVID-19 pandemic made me think about the HIV pandemic and all the people that have died from it. A whole generation of gay men that was not just the victim of this fucked up virus, but also the casual homophobia that came along with it.  

It made me think of the countless unknown people that have died of AIDS and of the bright lights that got dimmed way before their time, like musical genius Klaus Nomi in the early eighties and Robert Mapplethorpe, a famous photographer who documented New York’s gay BDSM scene at the end of the seventies. This is why you see me looking at a roll of film in the featured photo.  

But as the great American philosopher Gia Gunn once said: “Watcha wanna do, is not necessarily watcha gonna do.” Which incidentally also kinda sums up 2020 for me.  

So, I have decided to talk about something else, something slightly more current, something a lot less important, but something that has been on my mind for the last couple of months: I miss meeting my friends. I miss hugging them. I miss dancing. I miss hooking up with strangers. I miss the freaks and geeks of the nightlife. I miss losing myself at parties.  

And I’m quite sure I’m not the only one!  


Being in lockdown sucks balls and not in the way I like it (where’s the spit dammit). A lot of people are suffering from depression at the moment, they’re feeling lonely, isolated or they’re just completely bored out of their brains.  

I think it has hit gay men even more because for many of us going to parties is not just a thing you do every once in a while, but it’s a significant part of our lives and our culture. It’s where we get together to escape from the heteronormative world we live in. It’s where we meet new friends and lovers and it’s where we go to be ourselves, even if it’s just for a weekend. And all of that is gone right now. I often heard the phrase ‘Summer has been canceled’, but for me, it feels more like ‘Being gay has been canceled’, at least in 2020.  

I’m saying all of this not to be a Debbie Downer, but I think sometimes it’s important to acknowledge the things that we suffer from and sometimes it’s comforting when you know others are going through the same emotions. 

I don’t have an expert tip to steer you through these difficult times that we are living in, but I would love to spread some positive energy. 2021 will definitely be better. That’s not just me talking; one of my oldest and wisest friends – who happens to be a general practitioner (and gay!) – confirmed it. So, be patient. Be nice. Don’t just think with your dick (aka maybe you should skip that Chill with ‘20 confirmed guests’). Look after one another and to quote yet another great American philosopher from the same school of thought, RuPaul Charles, “Don’t fuck it up!”